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Idiots of the year

admin — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:07:45 +0000

Indian and cowboy

admin — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:02:59 +0000

Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon …”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what’s in the wagon — just amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ugh … not amazing … wagon ran … over me … 30 minutes ago!”

Get to school

admin — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:00:20 +0000

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”

“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”

“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”

How to produce milk

admin — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:30:11 +0000

This video will show you how people need to stimulate the cow to produce milk. Old Mc Donald got to try this one for sure…

Different affairs

admin — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:56:54 +0000

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair With his secretary.
One day they went to her place And made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep And woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed And told his lover to take his shoes

Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded. ‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied,
‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes and said:
‘You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!’

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time For the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant And delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery To see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child He had ever seen.
He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can Be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

‘Not this time!’

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
About to be cremated, And made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part He had ever seen!
‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician Commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated
With such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.’ So, he removed it,
Stuffed it into his briefcase, And took it home
‘I have something to show You won’t believe,’ he said to his wife,

Opening his briefcase.

‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed,

‘Schwartz is dead!’

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:

‘I have something I must confess.’ ‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied.
‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, Her best friend, and your mother!’

‘I know,’ she replied,

‘now just rest and let the poison work.’

Machete chamber

admin — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:17:41 +0000

Thierry Henry - Funny Trick

admin — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 21:13:01 +0000

Flossing

admin — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:58:03 +0000

Men…

admin — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:09:34 +0000

Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same but you get the remote.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manuals”

Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, then it’s our job to stomp them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we would hopefully like to have dinner with.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One … men will screw anything.

What’s the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don’t fit right in the crotch!

What’s the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need … A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don’t have balls to scratch.

What is a man’s idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He’s breathing.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows … it’s never been done.

How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are already taken, and the ones left are handicapped.

What is a man’s idea of helping you with housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Some part its unfair, but thanks to Anuskha she send me a whole list about men (are you a men hater/lover girl) :P $-)

The machine

admin — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:59:53 +0000

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

“Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.”

“Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?”

“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle?”