A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”

The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”

“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman.

The results read, “Buy a television.”

Two bachelors were talking about their respective choice of life partner. One friend said,’It is generally said that people with opposite characteristics make the happiest marriages. What is your opinion ?

The friend replied,’Yes, they are right. That is why I am looking for a girl with a money!

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unknown to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.

Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball.’
Man: ‘That’s nice.’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My dad’s outside.’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘£250.’

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mum’s lover
are again in the closet together.

Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball glove.’
Man: ‘How much?’
Boy: ‘£750.’
Man: ‘Fine.’

A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‘Grab your glove.
Let’s go outside and play baseball.’
The boy says, ‘I can’t. I sold them.’
The father asks: ‘How much did you sell them for?’
The son says, ‘£1,000.’
The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost!
I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the
little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again.’

Its dark here boy

- If you work too hard, you re not spending enough time with her. If you don’t work hard enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

- If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it’s exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.

- If you get a promotion ahead of her, it’s favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it’s equal opportunity.

- If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

- If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re insensitive.

- If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

- If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination. If she asks you, it’s a favor.

- If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you re a slob.

- If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.

- If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re an egotist. If you’re not, you’re not ambitious.