www.officialjokes.com

The picture

admin — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:41:55 +0000

After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her
nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry……….. “Is this your husband?”he nervously asks.
“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.
“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.
“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
“No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!” she answers.
“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.

“That’s me before the surgery!”

Thx christine

Wat is politiek?

admin — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:48:20 +0000

This post will be in dutch because it was written in dutch and I don’t have the time to translate it to english. For English translation please visit Babelfish.

Googlemap of Suriname. Click here…
Map showing the Northern South American country bordering the North Atlantic Ocean.
Capital city of Suriname is Paramaribo (pop. 250 000).
Countries with international borders to Suriname are Brazil, French Guiana, and Guyana.

Wat is Surinaamse Politiek?

Een zoon vraagt aan zijn vader: Pap, wat is eigenlijk politiek.
Vader zegt: Jongen, dat is heel eenvoudig. Kijk, Ik breng het geld thuis, dus ben ik het KAPITALISME.
Je moeder beheert het geld, dus is zij de REGERING.
Opa ziet er op toe dat alles her en der ordentelijk verloopt. Hij is de OVERHEID.
Het dienstmeisje is de ARBEIDERSKLASSE.
Wij hebben allen maar een doel voor ogen namelijk jouw welzijn. Daarom ben jij het VOLK.
Je kleine broertje die nog in de luiers loopt is de TOEKOMST.

De zoon denkt na en vraag of hij er een nachtje over mag slapen.
´s Nachts wordt hij wakker omdat zijn kleine broertje in zijn luier heeft gepoept en vreselijk schreeuwt. Omdat hij niet weet wat hij moet doen gaat hij naar de slaapkamer van zijn ouders. Daar ligt alleen zijn moeder en die slaapt zo vast dat hij haar niet wakker krijgt. Daarom gaat hij naar de kamer van het dienstmeisje waar hij ziet dat zijn vader bij haar in bed ligt en ze zijn met hele vreemde dingen bezig. Hij ziet dat Opa onopvallend door het raam toekijkt. Ze zijn allemaal zo druk dat niemand merkt dat hij voor het bed staat. Daarom besluit de jongen onverrichterzaken weer te gaan slapen.

De volgende ochtend vraagt vader aan zijn zoon of hij met zijn eigen woorden kan uitleggen wat politiek is.
Ja zegt de zoon: Het KAPITALISME misbruikt de ARBEIDERSKLASSE terwijl de
OVERHEID toekijkt en de REGERING slaapt. Het VOLK wordt volkomen
genegeerd en de TOEKOMST ligt in de STRONT.

Thanks to Christine

Drunk driver

admin — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:42:20 +0000

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”

The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”

“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.”

“I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”

“Well, then we need a urine sample.”

“I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”

“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.”

“I can’t do that, officer.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too drunk to do that.”

drunk driver

How to hypnotize a man

admin — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:27:01 +0000

Instructions:
1) Left-click on the picture and drag in any direction;
2) Let go and prepare to be hypnotized.

Erosblog

Weird neighbor

admin — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 12:14:31 +0000

Do you know someone that want’s a puppy?
My neighbor has a puppy he’s giving away (FREE!).
He’s giving it away because his wife says the dog ’stares’ at her when she is undressing ,

And that gives her the ‘Heebie Jeebies’. I think she is just weird!
If you’re interested, or know someone who is, let me know.

Here’s a picture of the dog.

Weird neighbor or dog?

Idiots of the year

admin — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:07:45 +0000

Indian and cowboy

admin — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:02:59 +0000

Two cowboys came upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”

“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.

“Look,” says the first one, “He’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”

Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “About two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, furniture in wagon …”

“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color, what’s in the wagon — just amazing!”

The Indian looks up and says, “Ugh … not amazing … wagon ran … over me … 30 minutes ago!”

Get to school

admin — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:00:20 +0000

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”

“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”

“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”

“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”

“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”

“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”

“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”

How to produce milk

admin — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:30:11 +0000

This video will show you how people need to stimulate the cow to produce milk. Old Mc Donald got to try this one for sure…

Different affairs

admin — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:56:54 +0000

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair With his secretary.
One day they went to her place And made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep And woke up at 8 PM .
The man hurriedly dressed And told his lover to take his shoes

Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
‘Where have you been?’ his wife demanded. ‘I can’t lie to you,’ he replied,
‘I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes and said:
‘You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!’

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters But always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time For the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant And delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery To see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child He had ever seen.
He told his wife: ‘There’s no way I can Be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?’
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

‘Not this time!’

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
About to be cremated, And made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part He had ever seen!
‘I’m sorry Mr. Schwartz,’ the mortician Commented, ‘I can’t allow you to be cremated
With such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.’ So, he removed it,
Stuffed it into his briefcase, And took it home
‘I have something to show You won’t believe,’ he said to his wife,

Opening his briefcase.

‘My God!’ the wife exclaimed,

‘Schwartz is dead!’

The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly:

‘I have something I must confess.’ ‘There’s no need to, ‘his wife replied.
‘No,’ he insisted, ‘I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, Her best friend, and your mother!’

‘I know,’ she replied,

‘now just rest and let the poison work.’